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Coping With Caregiving for Your Loved Ones: A Caregiver's Guide & Resources My brain and heart dreams up commitments my body can’t keep! In the past, I provided care to sick or elderly friends and family members for many years. I took care of my mother for 12 years and my grandmother for another 10 years. For me this proved to be exceptionally challenging. Many times, while providing exceedingly loving and compassionate care, I depleted my “sanity reserve bank account” and fell into self-destructive patterns for myself. My thinking patterns became very distorted—I loved others so completely that I would do anything for them, but when it came to me, I wished God had made me a robot so that I would have NO needs. Having needs was inconvenient. If I was supposed to be of “infinite helping support,” then why did God make me with needs? I finally realized that I had over-commitment to others and under-commitment to me. I saw the effect of this pattern on my emotions and life. Clues that I was becoming overwhelmed by my caregiving were that I started to get grumpy and resentful towards those I was caring for. I felt like I was "dial a disaster, dial Bob! I've got a problem and I need you to fix it!" It seemed that the only time the family member called me up was to request something of me, or to tell me what I had done wrong. At that time it felt like my caregiving was done out of obligation and not freely given--I felt drained--and I had no more to give. I felt torn apart: in that I was SO emotionally committed to my loved one and would do ANYTHING for them...and I had reached my limit of providing care for them. From hindsight, I would have talked with those family members and had an agreement up front that IN THE FUTURE when their need for additional care had exceeded my ability to provide it (that I was mentally, physically, and emotionally being harmed) that I would let them know. At that time they would need to go to an assisted living facility or find some other type of help. I would have had these steps already planned out and communicated right at the start to avoid problems later on. I learned that if in my old age anyone was willing to offer assistance to me for my care, that I wanted to respect their natural limits. I would want to acknowledge that their love and support has natural and healthy limits. I would want to let them know that when "it's THAT time," just let me know, and I will understand. They KNOW that I love them and myself, as well. Newsweek Magazine has a wonderful article about A Guide for Caregivers and explores Caregiving & Alzheimer's: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19121631/site/newsweek/page/0/ and a PDF file: Newsweek A Guide for Caregivers-MSNBC.com.pdf See below the extremely helpful resource, COPING WITH CAREGIVING.pdf which shares many practical insights about how to manage stress when caring for loved ones. Discover below many other essential resources. One of the great joys and blessings in life is being able to share our talents and gifts with our larger community—as volunteers. Again for me, this area has time and again caused me problems. I want to make a difference in my spiritual group, dietetic community, neighborhood, and the world at large—but my diaries have shown me the harmful effects of what happens when I get out of balance. I become compulsive, cranky, controlling, reactive, depressed, and physically, mentally, and emotionally ill. What's your experience with this area? It you find that the topic of providing care to a loved one challenging, perhaps see below for ideas on how to manage this matter. Also visit: Bob's Story: Balance In Life. Many clients I see and friends that I know have experienced the overwhelming stresses of providing TLC for their loved ones. More that 20 million households contain Americans who look after loved ones. While caregiving can offer enormous rewards--providing a sense of fulfillment, deepening lifelong loves--research increasingly links it to deleterious health effects, including a weakened immune system, depression and even premature death. There are ways to relieve the burden. Support groups offer lifelines out of isolation. Adult day-care programs provide respite. Regular exercise lowers blood pressure and reduces stress and depression. Taking time for healthful eating provides essential fuel for the body. Most important of all: caregivers must look after themselves--without their own good health, their loved ones will suffer, too. Don't forget "care for the caregiver" by noting how our daily lifestyle choices effect how the caregiver feels too. For additional helpful insights consider visiting: What are the Challenges That Derail Your Healthy Lifestyle Efforts and How Can You Transform Them?, When Helping You Is Hurting Me, and Understand Your Brain Chemistry and How it Influences Your Body Weight
How to Manage Stress When Caring For Chronically Ill or Elderly Relatives A Pacific Northwest Extension Publication. This excellent resource that is packed with lots of really helpful information. It can be downloaded and printed off for free. For the PDF version of this excellent book, click on: COPING WITH CAREGIVING.pdf Found at: http://extension.oregonstate.edu/catalog/details.php?search=coping+with+caregiving Geriatric Care Manager: www.caremanager.org GCM is a non-profit, professional organization of practitioners whose goal is the advancement of dignified care for the elderly and their families. With more than 1,500 members, GCM is committed to maximizing the independence and autonomy of elders while striving to ensure that the highest quality and most cost-effective health and human services are used when and where appropriate.
The National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, Inc. is a non-profit association that assists lawyers, bar organizations and others who work with older clients and their families. Established in 1987, the Academy provides a resource of information, education, networking and assistance to those who deal with the many specialized issues involved with legal services to the elderly and people with special needs. The mission of the National Academy
of Elder Law Attorneys is to establish NAELA members as the premier providers of
legal advocacy, guidance and services to enhance the lives of people with
special needs and people as they age. Another terrific resource is:
Visit them to discover: Caregiving articles, journal exercises, healing circle of prayer, inspiration, humor, alternative healing, readings, resources, and MUCH more! Visit: http://www.care-givers.com/ Discover numerous resources for: Caregiving sites, elderly sites, grand parenting resources, alternative healing therapies, legal and financial information, dying, death, and grieving sites, spiritual and metaphysical sites, humor and more are found at: http://www.care-givers.com/pages/resources.html#Anchor
Aging Solutions Aging Parents and Elder Care: www.Aging-Parents-and-Elder-Care.com Articles, comprehensive checklists, and links to key resources ... designed to make it easier for family caregivers to quickly find the information they need ... and avoid overlooking something important in the care of their loved one. Administration on Aging: www.aoa.gov : Provides caregivers and their parents information on various services including elder rights. Area Agency on Aging: This government program provides a national network of social services. See www.n4a.org (National Association of Area Agencies on Aging) or call 800-677-1116 for your local agency. Medicare Rights: www.medicarerights.org Independent source of health-care information and assistance for people with Medicare. National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization: www.nhpco.org Offers information on end-of-life issues and state-specific advance directives. Nursing Homes: www.medicare.gov/nhcompare Provides detailed information on the past performance of every Medicare- and Medicaid-certified nursing home in the country. Welcome to the Eldercare Locator Is a public service
of the U.S. Administration on Aging. The Eldercare Locator connects older
Americans and their caregivers with sources of information on senior services.
The service links those who need assistance with state and local area agencies
on aging and community-based organizations that serve older adults and their
caregivers.
Family Caregiving Alliance: National Center On Caregiving Family Caregiving Alliance is a public voice for caregivers who provide loved ones with support who have chronic, disabling health conditions. Our pioneering programs provide:
Visit: http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/home.jsp or call: 800-445-8106 An excellent national resource is: www.nofec.org
Exploring Disease States and How to Best Manage Them Healthopedia.com, a medical and health consumer information resource containing comprehensive and unbiased information in patient-friendly language from trusted sources on over 1,500 health topics, 70 focussed health centers, and more than 11,000 drugs and medications. Visit: http://www.healthopedia.com/ How to manage Alzheimer's disease: http://www.healthopedia.com/alzheimers-disease/ Resource In Multnomah County (Portland) Oregon
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Copyright © 2001-2008 Bob Wilson BS, DTR All Rights Reserved. Articles are for personal use only. Please request permission for other uses. Thanks! |
