Return to Essential Skills
What To Say When You Talk To Your Self
If you continue
to think what you've always thought,
to get what you've always got!
Our mind is the
garden, the thoughts are the seeds, the harvest will be either flowers or weeds.
Inevitably so, inevitably so! Mel Veldon.
The quality of our
thoughts influence the quality of our lives.
Our minds can make us sick OR we can use our minds to improve our health.
If you have found
that your mental habits and life experiences have led to your feeling
discouraged, disconnected, and drooped--believe it or not--those patterns of
thoughts and emotional reactions CAN be changed!
You can open
yourself up to positive and powerful habits of thought and more balanced
emotional reactions. You can learn to celebrate yourself and life!
When my mind gets
into fear, disappointment, feeling alone and unloved...I acknowledge it, and
then I take time to consider
different kinds of thoughts and images.
Since at least at one level, I'm creating my "feeling tone" of my experience by
my interpretation of it.
I had to learn about my thinking habits, to accept the fact that "what I think
becomes me.” Whatever I put my focus on...EXPANDS: fears or trust, misery
or happiness and joy. When I constantly think discouraging thoughts about myself
and others, I end up feeling very discouraged about everything. I tried it. It
works! But when I put encouraging, loving thoughts into my mind about others and
myself, I have a great time! I tried it. It works!
The choice is yours—and mine.
healthy body is built by practicing sound nutrition choices and living an active
A HEALTHY MIND
is developed through developing effective MENTAL HABITS.
Plant the Mental Garden of Your
Life With Seeds of Well-Being!
Imagine Your Ideal Day,
Harmony, Abundance, Equality,
a Loving, Self-Nurturing, Inner Voice For You!
Seeing your uniqueness,
Creating a vision for your new life,
Letting go of all
your old self-destructive or restrictive personal identities,
GIVING YOURSELF all of the love you want from others,
yourself towards new dimensions of well-being!
Be Happy and Contented!
Kiss The Earth and Walk as You Touch Peace in Every
Happiness Project Toolbox
Project Toolbox supplies eight tools to help you construct
your "happiness project." Everyone's project will be
different, and there's no right or wrong way. You can use
all eight tools, or you can pick one tool that appeals to
you. Just jump in and start now.
Strength Website: Discover many
Popular Support Groups.
Also find health blogs, expert treatments, and other ways to
Zen Habits is about finding simplicity in the daily
chaos of our lives. It’s about clearing the clutter so we
can focus on what’s important, create something amazing,
and About Zen Habits:
Along your journey of change, be
gentle with yourself!
Be respectful towards yourself:
"Don’t shout at the apple and demand that it ripen!
It won’t ripen any
faster and all you’ll get is a sore throat!!!"
—Advice given to me by my counselor
Suggestions & Methods for their use
Bob's story Mental Skills -- whatever you FOCUS ON,
Also check out Bob's story
The Emotional area.
Visit Home Coming: Reclaiming and
Championing Your Inner Child.
You Is Hurting Me.
Dieting Versus Non-Dieting Approaches.
Out of hell, into freedom thoughts
Make your mind an ocean
Healthy Mental States, Self-Nurturing, Self- Esteem,
and Healthy Relationships
From Library Journal
The authors, both cognitive psychotherapists, identify 11 common "lifetraps,"
which they define as repetitive, destructive behavior patterns
associated with a negative self-image. Using illustrations from case
studies, the authors describe each lifetrap, discuss its origins in
childhood experience, and provide a questionnaire for self-assessment.
They then offer a
program for change using techniques ranging from experiential (getting
in touch with your inner child) to cognitive (writing a "case" against
your lifetrap) and behavioral (identifying specific behaviors to be
changed). - Lucille
Boone, San Jose P.L., Cal. Available at:
by Matthew McKay, PH.D. & Patrick Fanning, (2000), New Harbinger
Publications, Inc. This books offers numerous
suggestions for disarming the inner critic, transforming cognitive
distortions as you develop a compassionate mind, and exploring your core
unconscious beliefs so you can understand how they effect your life and
Healing from Depression:
12 Weeks to a Better Mood, by Douglas
Bloch, M.A., (2002), Celestial Arts Publishers,
For A Five-Part Holistic Self-Care Program,
for a description of book.
Hugs! * Hugs! * Hugs! *
fat-free, sugar-free, and require no batteries. Hugs reduce blood pressure,
body temperature, and relieve pain and depression. Hugs brighten the day and
lighten the heart! Discover Free HUG coupons at:
The Only Diet There Is,
Sondra Ray explains in her book, that
if we forgive
the past, drop negative thoughts and resentments, stop being victims—we drop our
fat as well. She asserts that as we release our negativity, we release excess
weight in our minds, hearts, and in our bodies. I
used this book extensively and found all of the exercises and affirmations
to be quite helpful. Copyright date is 1981 by Celestial Arts Publishers.
You'll find it at www.Amazon.com
Morsels For Your Creative Soul,
& The Bodacious Book of Succulence by SARK (1994), Celestial
Arts, Berkeley, California. For a catalog, call: (800) 841-BOOK.
These books (and
SARK'S Web site) are SO MUCH FUN
and are delightfully
at Plantet SARK!
Celebrate Your Self - Making Life Work For You (Your Child's Self Esteem),
by Dorothy Corkille Briggs, (1986), Main Street Books.
I found this
book to be really helpful. I read both of these books extensively. They were
wonderful. They helped me understand why I hated myself and how I could
begin to change. They are also available used for very reasonable prices.
What To Say When You Talk To Your Self,
by Shad Helmstetter, (1990), Pocket Books.
This book in very practical and
understandable terms helps unravel the mystery of how self-talk creates our
inner conditioning which creates our success or our failures. Check it out!
Joyful Child: A Sourcebook of Activities and Ideas for Releasing Children's
Natural Joy By Peggy
Jenkins, Ph.D., Aslan Publishing, ©1996
This book is not just for the
children in your life. It is also for you! As you learn to guide your
children's discovery of joy your awareness will expand and you will grow
more in touch with your own inner joy. is both a source and a resource book.
Between its covers is a wealth of ideas and activities. In addition it is
liberally sprinkled with quotations and references to lead you to a wide
variety of excellent resources
Learning To Love Your Self,
by Gay Hendricks, (1982),
Prentice Hall Press, New York
You Can Be Happy No Matter What: Five
Principles for Keeping Life in Perspective, by Richard Carlson,
Ph.D., (1997), New World Library. Richard shares
PRINCIPLES ABOUT: of thoughts, about moods, of separate realities, of
feelings, and of the present moment. He helps the reader create more
effective relationships, understand stress, and solve problems in life to
increase happiness and reduce addictive behaviors. Provides a "checklist for
The Feeling Good Handbook, by
David Burns, M.D., (1999), a Plume Book. David shows
you how to overcome depression, conquer anxiety, and enjoy greater intimacy.
Provides methods to diagnose your moods and understand them, and apply 4
steps to happiness. Includes a comprehensive discussion of mood-altering
Readers can review 25 mental health
conditions and determine the best course for treatment. Examples: anger,
phobias, depression, anxiety, burnout, co-dependency, eating disorders,
passive/aggressive behaviors, marital/relationship problems, gambling,
grief/bereavement, parenting issues, self-esteem, sexual concerns, sleep
problems, stress, and many other topics are covered. Suggestions are
given about when to seek emergency care, when to see a physician, when to go
to a counselor, and when self-help is appropriate. 7 3/8" x 9".
96 pages COST: $5.95. Item #:
2147. Go to the "products/online store--> Self-Care Guides"
and Championing Your Inner Child, by John Bradshaw, (1992), Bantam Books.
Excellent, practical, helpful book on learning to embrace your inner
The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook,
by Martha Davis and Mathew McKay, (2002), New Harbinger Publication,
site on the Internet. Includes: helpful
introduction, comprehensive disorder explanation, diagnosis and treatment,
diagnose yourself segment, quality of life assessment, extensive medication
description, magazine and books sections, research findings, Internet links,
Gives the medical basis of stress, depression, anxiety, sleep problems, and
drug use—explained in a fun, easy-to-read format.
Interactive depression self-help
site. From Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research. Includes a one-time
registration. Practical suggestions.
comprehensive explanation of what depression is, the symptoms, types,
causes, and treatments. After personal evaluation, your doctor may prescribe
medications to help stabilize your thinking processes. Many individuals
don't require drug therapy, but it can be essential for some people. I recommend
evaluating your lifestyle choices and making gradual changes that fit you
and feel good, as an essential component for life-long mental well-being.
Inclusion here does not constitute endorsement of this site, or of any other
products or services contained therein. See
How To Use This Site
for ideas on how to begin.
Self Parenting-The Complete Guide To Your
Inner Conversations, by Dr.
John K. Pollard, III, (1987), Generic Human Studies Publishing
includes lots of fun pictures and explores terrific journaling techniques to
explore connecting with your inner emotional self and changing the "feeling
tone" of your relationship with yourself.
Women’s Comfort Book,
by Jennifer Louden, (1992),
Harper-Collins, NY This book is terrific! It includes
HUNDREDS OF practical suggestions on how to begin caring for yourself. It
includes a thorough section on "self-care at a glance."
You Can Heal Your Life,
by Louise L. Hay, (1984), Hay House, Santa Monica, CA
each stage of our life, we learn a predictable series of skills. If development
is impeded at a particular point, an important skill may not be learned
affecting the next stage. The first four to six years of life are when we are
most dependent, receptive, and malleable—and they have a profound effect on the
rest of our lives. For me, being wounded at many of the stages affected all of
my relationships—with myself and other people.
I learned about these concepts in
Keeping The Love You Find, by Harville
Hendrix, (1992, Pocket Books). The book explains with amazing clarity how
our initial relationships form an imago, a buried potential image, and
consequently create an unconscious attraction to fall in love with someone who
has the positive and negative traits of our imperfect parents. This is someone
who we feel will meet our emotional needs—except that they can’t.
Provides terrific exploratory exercises to understand and transform present
unhealthy patterns into a journey towards a conscious partnership. There are
therapists who are trained in IMAGO therapy. It is an excellent book!
Peter Mc Williams sells his books at
I found Peter's books to be humorous,
insightful, and FUN to read. Some titles: Life 101, Love 101, Do It!, You
Can't Afford The Luxury of a Negative Thought, and many others.